Wednesday, 28 November 2018

How To Have A Healthy Long Distance Relationship.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder".. right? Or is it, "Out of sight, out of mind"? For some it's the first quote, for others it's the second. For myself? It's neither. Distance doesn't make my heart grow fonder nor does it make me forget about love. Distance is probably one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given. Crazy to say that, right? How can a LDR be a gift? Well listen up and I'll tell you.

I've been in a long distance relationship for over four years now. I am in no way a relationship expert, I don't believe anybody is, but I have my own tips on how I help my LDR grow.
Personally my Long Distance Relationship helped me excel in so many areas of life. Of course it can be very tough, for example, if I'm ever having a bad day, the only person I would want to be with or come home to is D, I don't get to go on dates with him like normal couples, I can't get hugs when I want, I can't go over to his house whenever I want. It's a waiting game. To beat the game, BOTH parties must have, patience, trust, independence (I'll elaborate), a goal, and most importantly, love.

I'll get to the tips on how to succeed in a LDR, however let me elaborate on how my LDR has been a gift. 
- When I fall for someone, I fall hard. I wan't to always be with the person and just love them. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve. I've had my heart broken twice so like many girls going into new relationships after having their heart broken isn't what anybody really wants. The relationship I'm in now, which is my longest, has been tough, but I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. Even though we don't see each other much, we speak on the phone/ Facetime, three or four times a day. So when we do finally see each other, we never take the limited time for granted. We always fill the few days up with dates, fun activities, and really enjoying each others company. We cherish our time together, and if it were just a normal relationship we would always take our time together for granted.

- I've developed so much independence from this relationship. So many people I know feel like they've lost their independence because they can't go two/three weeks without seeing their partner, feeling like they can't do a certain task without their partner etc. Being in my LDR, I've had to be independent, I go months without seeing D and when we do see each other it's for 3-5 days at a time so it's not a lot. I am able to go about my days completing what needs to be done and not getting his help. Of course if there's something he can help me with over the phone that's great. But I have learnt a great deal of independence from this relationship.

- We trust each other completely. This LDR has taught me how to trust with every bone in my body and I'm so grateful for it.

- I only went into this LDR, because I knew we were both in it for the long run, we both didn't care about the distance because we wanted to be together. It was one of the best decisions of my life.

Tips on How To Succeed In A Long Distance Relationship:

1. Routines: This is something very important, it helps me and D so much. We have specific times for when we call each other, so we can get on with the rest of our days with things we need to do, I'm working and he's studying. Usually I call him after work, which would be his morning, he calls me on his lunch break, then I call him before I go to sleep which would be his evening. Then of course we would call each other if we just wanted to say a quick hi. Having a routine like this honestly helps, so you're not waiting by your phone for a phone call getting worried meanwhile losing out on being productive during the day. He then sends me a voice message when he is going to sleep (which would be the middle of the night for me) so I wake up to a good morning, and when I wake up I too send him a voice message as it's the middle of the night for him too!

2. End Goal: There's absolutely no point going into a LDR if you don't have an end goal. Myself and D, want to end up living in the same city, having a normal working life, while being able to do normal couple things. We are both working towards it and have been for the last four years. We know what we both want and that's something so comforting in a relationship. Having a goal is great to hold onto; if you're having a very rough day where the distance affects you a lot, at least you can think that you are working towards something.

3. Trust: No relationship, whether it be LDR or a normal one, will survive if there's no trust. Trust is probably one of the main factors to a healthy relationship. If you question them on everything and believe they're lying, then there's no point being in that relationship. You must trust your partner. There's five hours between D and I, I'm asleep for 6/7 hours of his day and vice versa. But there's no question whether I should trust him or not. I know him inside and out and we have no problems in this area.

4. Communication: This point is also crucial in a LDR. Lack of communication in a relationship is a big no no. Especially in a LDR, feelings and emotions can run high from time to time so sometimes couples can have arguments. When making up you cant just speak face to face to them or hug them when you've made up. You must speak to them on the phone or through Facetime/Skype and sort it out, by voicing your opinions and feelings and coming to a solution. Sending text messages can sometimes also ruin the tone of conversations so I would always avoid them when talking about your feelings/emotions. Maybe you've just had a rough day and you just need a shoulder to cry on, pick up the phone and call. You should always be in the know with your partner to what is going on in their lives-because essentially you are living different lives. You will feel included and important in each others lives.

5. Understanding: In many LDR's there are time differences, some by one hour some by eight hours. When I wake up my boyfriend is still sleeping and when he wakes up I'm almost finished a full day of work! When I get home I'm tired and he wakes up ready to take on the day, we are on different wave lengths in energy, mood etc. So if I may be cranky after a bad day in work it might take him off guard as he just woke up and is still sleepy. So you must understand why the other person might have another energy level to you. When I'm going to bed at night my bf is still going about his day. I'm soooo tired and he's not so I might be less talkative than he is so trying to understand each other in this sense is essential. 

6. Next Meeting: One thing that helps me so much in my LDR, is always knowing when you'll see each other next. It gives you hope and something to hold onto. In the beginning of my relationship we would always book our flights before the end of each visit to each others countries. It helped so much. As a matter of fact I've my flights booked to go visit him soon so missing him isn't as tough because I'll see him soon! So always plan your next meeting, it can also give you something to plan and get excited about!

7. Gestures: As dates are very minimal in LDR's, it's nice to get a cute gesture from time to time. For example a letter or small present in the post, setting aside time to watch a program or movie together -Myself and D would watch full TV series' together on the phone, we would look forward to it so much and it made us feel very connected-, Sending videos or pictures throughout the day can also be something nice to do for your partner as it makes one another feel part of your day.

8. Flights: Flights can be expensive, especially when you have to get one to see your partner. Some couples might have to spend over €1000 on a single ticket! It just depends on where your loved one is in the world. So a tip I have if flights are breaking the bank is to go halves on the flights. It can help a lot with getting over. At the end of the day you two just want to see each other and having an expensive flight between you shouldn't be a problem. If you think the prices are too steep, don't be scared to ask your partner to divide the flight fare. 

9. Special Occasions: Realistically, special occasions will be missed by your partner. Whether it be a birthday or an anniversary. Things happen, maybe your partner couldn't get the time off work, or had too many things to do in college and vice versa. But don't let it stop you from celebrating each milestone. For example, last month was my boyfriend and I's 4 year anniversary and obviously we couldn't spend it together. So we decided to celebrate it when we do see each other again. One year he missed my birthday and I too missed his so we celebrated the next time we saw each other. It makes each meeting that extra bit special.

10. Loyalty: Loyalty is something any relationship must have. It really goes hand in hand with Trust. Out of sight should not mean out of mind. If you decided to try make a long distance relationship work, you need to be in it for the long run. There will be a lot of times when you'll be and feel alone. But that never means you should betray anyone. If you know you are capable of being in a LDR, loyalty comes naturally. If you feel that you cannot be loyal then I would think again about what you've got yourself into.

11. Hobbies: You may think this is a strange tip, but honestly this helps so much. You need to have something in your life apart from school, college or work that you can focus your energy on. There can be gaps in your day where you can't talk to your partner, some days you may be down and all you want is to talk to them and you think to yourself how bored you are. This is where having a hobby comes in, if you have a hobby that can fill a part of your day, it can distract you from missing your partner. I fill up a lot of my time on my blog and creating content. Thankfully I have this outlet as I am not a sporty person. Having my blog helps me escape from the world and I can put my creative energy into it. This helps when I'm missing D. If you don't have a hobby, try find one, maybe you can hang out with friends, or do some fun activities with them. Maybe you could join a gym, or maybe you're a sporty one and can pick up a sport. Try invest your time in doing something you love as it will help you get through periods of missing your partner.

If you're in a Long Distance Relationship, I'd love to know your story! I love listening to LDR stories from around the world. If there isn't anything I've covered and you've any tips I'd love to hear them; and if you've any questions, feel free to ask!


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